Baytree Garden Centre’s tips on tackling Horsetail weed

Mark Cox is on a special mission (probably) to tackle a severe issue in this week’s Baytree Garden Centre column...

At 8.36pm on Sunday evening the doorbell rang. I pretended to be out as I was enjoying a particularly fine glass of Malbec in just my favourite Spiderman underpants. “We know you’re in there Mr Cox, you need to come with us”.

Suddenly the front door burst open and well-armed masked men who had those lasers things attached to the end of their guns stormed in. Normally I would have expected the red dots to be centred on my core; they had decided to concentrate their laser sights on my man’s region. Jealous of my Spiderman underpants no doubt.

I was then manhandled into the back of an awaiting van and driven off into the night. Eventually I was led into a large white room, several moments later the Prime Minister entered and sat opposite me. He apologised for the manner in which I had been snatched and offered me a chocolate hob nob.

“Mr Cox we have a situation that needs very delicate handling and quite frankly it has my top scientists baffled. We think that an extra-terrestrial lifeform has infested my private garden at the back of number 10.”

Only too keen to help I asked to be taken straight to the site. “Mr Prime Minister, go to Def Con Four,” I said as I ventured out into his private garden. After spending some considerable time analysing the suspected alien site I returned to give my initial findings.

“It’s worse that we think. Though we can rule out Aliens, what you have is a severe Equisetum Arvense (Horsetail or Mares tail) attack. Horsetail is a deep rooted perennial weed that spreads by spores in the spring, it can traverse large distances and its roots can reach 7ft in depth.

“I bet you’ve already sent an herbicidal team in there to treat the infestation haven’t you. And I bet it made no difference.

“Well that’s down to the way the plant accumulates silica from the soil and this contributes to its herbicidal resistance”.

David, the Prime Minister’s chief of staff, suggested covering the affected areas with a weed blocking membrane. “It won’t work” I said. “All you’ll do is force the weed towards the edges of the membrane where it will continue to thrive and possibly take over London.”

“A chemical treatment for Horsetail weed is available such as SBK, Glyphosate and products containing Pelargonic acid. However in order for the treatment to work there must be a large enough green surface area for the chemical to be absorbed into. Spraying the weed if it’s less than 20cm tall will have no effect as not enough of the treatment will penetrate the plant”.

Fortunately the weeds were 50cm tall. I instructed the Prime Minister and the other members of his cabinet to start trampling the weeds under foot. Damaging the structure of the plant will help with the absorption of the treatment.

Further treatment in October to coincide with the natural dying back cycle of the plant will be required. A chemical spray at this point would be transported deep down into the root structure. Inevitably further treatment would be needed next year.

With that I was asked to sign the Official Secrets Act and to disclose to the Prime Minister where I’d bought my Spiderman underpants from so in the interests of national security please keep this incident under wraps.