Dying Matters group in Rutland will help people take the pressure of death-related decisions off their loved ones

Talking to loved-ones about your death can be a difficult topic - but it’s a conversation people are being urged to have, particularly in the light of the coronavirus pandemic.

A new group, called Dying Matters in Rutland, has been set up with the aim of making questions surrounding death easier to answer.

Dr Sarah Furness, Lord-Lieutenant of Rutland, is part of the group and wants people to feel more in control of their end-of-life experience.

She has been instrumental in helping it to launch Dying Matters in Rutland this week, during national Dying Matters Awareness Week (May 11 to 17).

Sarah said: “My mother took me completely by surprise one day by talking about her death. She still seemed quite young to me, and yet she had planned everything for her funeral.

“When she died, aged 77, being able to do exactly as she had wanted was such a relief, otherwise you can feel so guilty about perhaps not doing the right thing.

“That I had been fighting against her efforts to sort out her wishes when she was alive and healthy, and telling her not to be morbid, seems silly now, but I suppose I felt embarrassed to be talking about death.”

Sarah says it’s her privilege to be able to do something to a positive effect on people at a time when the subject of death has been brought into day-to-day life because of the number of people dying with Covid-19.

Dying Matters in Rutland will provide people with many resources in one place, helping them to make arrangements to do with dying. These will be accessible through a website.

Rutlander Claire Henry, who was awarded an MBE in 2013 for her services to improving end-of-life care, is also involved in the group’s work. She said: “We want people to think about the practicalities of dying while they are still well enough to do so, whether it’s choosing the environment in which they want to die, making a will, letting family know about organ donations, or sorting out less obvious things, such as their digital legacy - their online accounts.

“When people become very unwell it can be too late to express what’s important to them, which might be having a pet with them, or favourite music playing.

“It’s no good having a well-meaning relative play country music, when you hate county and would rather have heavy metal!”

While Claire acknowledges social distancing rules are affecting people’s wishes for where they choose to die and their funeral arrangments, she would still like more people to think about what they would choose, to write it down, and preferably to talk about it with someone.

The Dying Matters in Rutland website, due to launch next month (June), will provide links and advice to help people set out their wishes.

People in Lincolnshire are also being encouraged to talk about their end-of-life wishes.

Dr Anne Marie Powell,from The Deepings Practice, said:

“Covid-19 has changed how we live our everyday lives and it has affected how we experience death, especially of those most important to us.”

She added: “Conversations about final wishes are not just about Covid-19, or age. Death does not discriminate, but talking about death and making plans for end-of-life care does make a real difference to how people experience the final days of their lives.”

For more information visit Lincolnshire’s end of care website.

Death Café in Stamford goes online to support people during the coronavirus lockdown