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How to plan your own funeral and make dying less painful for relatives with help from Marie Curie and Sue Ryder




Making decisions about a loved one’s funeral can be hard.

Which pieces of music would they have enjoyed? Did they like a certain colour of flowers? Were there poems they preferred?

A wooden coffin isn’t the only choice these days. Photo: iStock
A wooden coffin isn’t the only choice these days. Photo: iStock

And that’s without tackling the bigger questions, such as whether they would want to be buried or cremated, where, and who should take custody of pets or cherished belongings.

Choices such as these can cause disagreement between grown-up sibling children, and if a spouse or partner survives the deceased, particularly if they’re unrelated to those children, decisions can be even more complicated.

This is why end-of-life care providers, such as Sue Ryder Thorpe Hall Hospice, have support in place for families not only after a loved one has died, but in the weeks and days beforehand.

Choices might include a church funeral service or a non-religious celebration of life
Choices might include a church funeral service or a non-religious celebration of life

Beka Avery, head of wellbeing and community support at Sue Ryder’s Thorpe Hall Hospice, said: “Death is a difficult subject. It can be painful to think about and even harder to talk about, no matter how near or far off it may seem.

“Having open and honest conversations now about how you want to spend your last days, weeks, and months, and what happens after you die, is important.”

Beka added that at Sue Ryder they ‘normalise’ discussions about death and dying to make them easier to have.

Marie Curie has a 'planning ahead' checklist
Marie Curie has a 'planning ahead' checklist

“By planning for the future now, we can reduce the burden on our families later, offering reassurance to loved ones during an incredibly challenging time,” Beka added.

“One of the key ways people can plan ahead is by writing down their wishes as part of an advance care plan or statement.

“This plan might cover where you would like to be cared for, who should be informed if you are unwell, and any specific religious or cultural practices you want to be observed.

“It’s also important to consider where you would like the plan to be kept and who should know about it.”

Marie Curie has a free booklet to help people plan ahead
Marie Curie has a free booklet to help people plan ahead
From Marie Curie's Planning Ahead booklet
From Marie Curie's Planning Ahead booklet
From Marie Curie's Planning Ahead booklet
From Marie Curie's Planning Ahead booklet

In addition to an advance care plan, there are other ways to ensure wishes are documented and followed. These can include creating a will, leaving a gift in a will, registering as an organ donor, and making funeral arrangements in advance.

The end of life charity Marie Curie provides information on its website about planning your funeral, as well as a handy booklet that can be filled out at any stage of life, giving loved ones guidance of what to consider in the event of your death.

Called ‘Planning Ahead’, the booklet can be downloaded and printed, or ordered from the charity at mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/publications/all/planning-ahead. Divided into four sections, it covers planning your future care, power of attorney, getting affairs in order, and how to share the information with those who matter.

Space is provided for writing in details of social media and email accounts, and how these can be dealt with after death, bank accounts and finances, as well as funeral wishes.

Each section includes an explanation as to what some of the choices are, as well as those dealt with by outside organisations, such as solicitors, funeral directors and the organ donation register.

There is also a ‘Planning ahead Checklist’, which provides a tick list of jobs to do, such as making a will, listing bank accounts, and leaving messages or memories for loved ones, through letters, videos or voice recordings.



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