South Kesteven District Council opposition leader imagines BBC Radio 4 show Just a Minute by Grantham’s Nicholas Parsons on local government reorganisation

The theme music fades, and from beyond the grave, Grantham’s very own Nicholas Parsons materializes in the chair for another episode of Just a Minute, writes Graham Jeal, leader of the Conservative Group at South Kesteven District Council.

Having helmed this beloved Radio 4 parlour game for decades, he needs no introduction. The rules? Speak on a given subject for just one minute—without hesitation, repetition, or deviation.

A warm-up anecdote gets the audience chuckling, the panel of politicians is introduced, and then, with a signature flourish, Parsons reveals the topic:

“Your challenge is to speak for just one minute on… local government reorganisation in Lincolnshire.” Ding!

The Labour MP leans in first, confidently outlining the need to save money, mentioning something about a black hole, and extolling the virtues of unitary authorities sweeping away layers of middle management. Perhaps these savings will reach frontline services? Bzzz!—“Hesitation!” cries the audience.

The county councillor takes over, earnestly declaring that residents must be at the heart of any decision. “Residents should be consulted on what is best for the residents.” Bzzz!—“Repetition!” The crowd howls.

Next up, the district councillor, who stresses the importance of boundaries reflecting economic realities. Some areas of South Kesteven, he argues, have more in common with Rutland and Melton. Bzzz!—“Deviation!” objects the parish councillor. “The government has been clear—Lincolnshire’s ancient borders are untouchable!”

The microphone lands in front of a Lincoln city representative. “What about one unitary authority for the whole county, mirroring the errr… Lincolnshire Combined Authority Mayor?” Bzzz!—“Hesitation!” “Repetition!” “Deviation!” The audience erupts in a three-pronged attack.

Now, of course, this debate didn’t really take place on Just a Minute, but over the coming months, it will feel like it might as local government reform dominates discussions. Let’s just hope the real-life debate is chaired with the grace, wit, and impeccable timing of Nicholas Parsons—and that when the final buzzer sounds, whoever is still talking is doing what’s genuinely best for Lincolnshire. Two things are guaranteed. Discussion will consume many many minutes and I think that there will lots of repetition, hesitation and deviation.

Change is coming. Let’s hope our county remains a fantastic place to live, work, and raise a family.