Lincolnshire Police reveal sex machine and python among unusual lost property items handed into Lincoln, Spalding, Boston, Grantham and Louth police stations

A sex machine, python, false teeth, metal detector, hand grenade, chainsaw…these may sound like a surreal conveyor belt on The Generation Game, the show presented over the years by Larry Grayson, Bruce Forsyth and Jim Davidson, but they’re not.

They are actually the more unusual objects handed into Lincolnshire Police lost property departments - apart from the poor python - in Lincoln, Spalding, Boston, Grantham and Louth. Sadly the set is lacking the dinner service, fondue set and trademark cuddly toy.

The police have sensibly advised if someone was to find a grenade it is best to call 999 - but for something as innocuous as finding an umbrella, which I am always losing, it’s a case of just keep it and hope for rain.

Jessica Cormack, operational lead, TEOs and contact management at Lincolnshire Police, said: “Found items can be handed in to your local police station or to a police officer or PCSO so that the owner can be traced, or the item otherwise dealt with.

“Unfortunately, we do not accept items of low value or if the owner cannot be directly identified such as luggage, empty purses, empty wallets or low-value, unidentifiable items such as umbrellas, glasses, or perishable goods.

“Please make reasonable enquiries to try to find the owner, including asking people nearby or in offices or shops.”

I am not convinced I would fulfil my duty as a citizen looking for a toothless chainsaw-wielding fanatic who has lost both their python and sex machine - or which shops to start in - but that’s just me.

My mind, however, is put to rest that if a python or live animal is handed into the police it is not held in custody - the police don’t take live animals, they refer the finder to an appropriate organisation.

A snake is a slippery customer after all — and that’s what happened to the one handed in at Boston.

Items that are handed into lost property are kept in a dedicated property store and stored safely until either returned or destroyed. Some come with a moral dilemma.

The sex machine was handed in at Boston and apparently cost £600 - there is no picture of the item, this is a family paper so I remain as baffled as you to what it actually is. Perhaps that’s for the best.

Maybe I am naïve as I would question if the person who owns it would really have the unblushing nerve to pop into the station saying they’ve lost their sex machine and please could they have it back? ‘Asking for a friend, officer.’

False teeth were handed in at Louth, something I feel the person would realise were missing. I know I am always losing mine.

Some years ago a grenade was handed into the Spalding station by a person clearly unaware of the danger they may be in.

Advice from the police is if you find an explosive item such as a grenade, do not move or handle the item, move away and call 999.

Jessica Cormack added: “Examples of hazardous items include firearms, weapon ammunition, poisons, toxins or chemicals, explosives such as hand grenades and flares.

“We encourage members of the public to hand in any found items of high value including items of sentimental value.

“These include items which contain data or have a serial number such as mobile phones, computers, tablet devices (Fire, iPad) MP3 players or any other item capable of containing data.”

Now, I am always losing umbrellas but I think if I lost another I wouldn’t expect someone to find me or hand it into the police - who don’t want them anyway - there’s no room what with the sex machine and chainsaw already in storage.

But it must be fascinating to rummage through the lost property in the police station.

I once worked in a theatre which was freezing and so the lost property was actually helpful when, on a particularly chilly day, I rifled through it and put on a scarf, hat, gloves and coat to warm up.

By way of a fashion statement, I wore the unremembered glasses too.

Returning to the unusual police haul — and a ‘large sex toy’ was handed into Grantham police lost property - still unclaimed.

Wallets, mobile phones, cans of alcohol, push bikes and watches were all delivered to Lincoln police station, which sounds to me like someone had found one of Del Boy’s suitcases from Only Fools and Horses.

Some more unusual finds handed in at Lincoln include nitrous oxide canisters, a safe, BB gun, a pram, underwater breathing apparatus, crossbow and a bubble machine.

I don’t think the last two items had any connection.

Whoever lost the following that were handed in - garden shears, motorcycle helmet, jewellery, medication, cash, flares (not the 70s trousers), fireworks, car door mirror - sounds like a jolly good night out in Grantham.

As for the bubble machine.

Thanks, I’ve got it back now.

Many thanks to Lincolnshire Police for providing a list of lost property items in order to write this piece - I really am grateful - and although I have tried to take a humorous approach, please follow Lincolnshire Police advice.

Visit their website for further details.

What do you think? Post your comments below.