Rutland columnist Allan Grey has been thinking of new activities in Lanzarote

The Lovely Lady and I first came to Playa Blanca, Lanzarote, in the mid 90s and from that point on it gradually became our ‘home away from home’, sometimes visiting twice a year, writes Rutland columnist Allan Grey.

This, however, is my third visit in 2024: in March with the Lovely Lady, in August with my family to celebrate what would have been our golden wedding anniversary, and now in November, solo for the first time after a busy few months.

My main aim has been to chill, to cycle the billiard table roads, and to read.

Strangely, I find it difficult to sit and read while at home, always feeling I should be doing something more productive, but here I finished Adam Croft’s latest Rutland murder mystery in just a couple of days, leaving me with the imperative to always look for a missing horseshoe on future visits to Oakham Castle.

I’m now well into a John Grisham thriller, the setting a little further afield; New York, Rome, Memphis and Tripoli featuring.

As a regular visitor it has also meant my being the bearer of the still heartbreaking news to friends we met each time we stayed here, as they wonder where Lorna is. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love it here and will be returning in March for more of the same. The place holds so many wonderful memories.

If I’m not cycling, I’m walking, and regularly engaging with like-minded folk, recently meeting an elderly couple on the ‘de rigueur’ ascent of the local volcano, Montana Roja.

I’m with a mate, he’s had two new knees in the last year and is doing remarkably well. It takes us just a few minutes before all four of us are discussing our current unbelievable fitness - for our age that is - which starts in the kitchen, the lady sternly maintains. Not sure about that, that’s where I keep my chocolate and my gin.

Then it’s onto the recent travails we’ve each overcome, finding that all of us have had heart conditions and a range of invasive procedures necessary to keep us clear of the abyss a while longer, and with which we try to outdo one another.

Well, what else do mature folk talk about when they meet? Certainly not sex, unlikely politics or football, and most have never heard of Brooke Road derangement syndrome.

Sorry, I just couldn’t resist returning to the local trauma, and I see announced at last that the road our beloved council conveniently forgot, was due to open before you read this. It’s not April 1, is it?

I was amused by one statement from an anonymous councillor, thanking Oakham residents for their ‘patience’ while the road was closed; a slightly disingenuous interpretation of the behaviour displayed daily by everyone on the wrong side of the tracks.

The definition of patience goes something like this: ‘the ability to suffer inconvenience without complaining or having a monumental meltdown’.

Based on that definition, I think patience has been in significantly short supply.

I could suggest a few other behavioural descriptors they might have chosen, but then few, if any, would get past the editor’s profanity filter, so you’ll just have to use your imaginations.

I might also suggest that patience is demonstrated by the proletariat when they can see that all endeavours are being made to resolve a difficult situation, something sadly opaque in this debacle.

Chatting with friends here, I’ve learned about a great new social phenomenon, ‘Sip and Paint’, a group activity from Australia. Yep, friends meet to drink wine while painting. Can you imagine some of the portraits that would emanate from a full-on two-hour session? Eat your heart out Tracey Emin.

The concept was then developed in our discussion and we agreed it would be even cooler if the two activities were alliterative. I’m beginning to warm to the idea of Scotch and Sudoku, Whiskey and Wordle, Brandy and Bridge, but best of all I like Gin and Jetskiing, alliterative or not.

We all have our views about the national treasure that is the BBC, but sitting here writing this column, I’m also watching the build up to Children in Need, nd I have to say the BBC do this incredibly well. I’m in tears as I listen to the story of a little girl, quite healthy until the age of eight, only to be diagnosed with an aggressive form of juvenile dementia, her life expectancy just 10 to 12 years. I’m in tears, tears for the little girl, tears for her family and tears for my Lovely Lady who spent 16 years of her life visiting children just like this, helping to create magical wishes to bring some happiness and relief from the daily torment that such conditions create for families affected.

I’m not embarrassed to say that a donation was made there and then. This morning they also feature Paddy McGuinness on his final day of riding a Chopper (an old fashioned kids’ bicycle) 300 miles from Wrexham to Glasgow, raising in excess of £8 million in the process. Absolutely brilliant. Chapeau Paddy and the BBC.

By the time you read this I will almost certainly be back home, starting to focus on Christmas.

Christmas with the Lions, chaperoning Santa around Rutland in his sleigh, and Christmas with my family, but this year with one unfillable space at the turkey-laden table.