'Daddy, we must save the bees...'

On Thursday, my daughter Elizabeth came bursting through the door shouting “Daddy, Daddy, you’ve got to help, you’ve got to help”. She started to explain in that way only children can when they start halfway through a sentence and expect you to understand what they’re talking about.

Elizabeth was very worried about bees. Not just one bee, but all bees.

Obviously I tried my best to look concerned and promised I would help her save the bees. I said “let’s create a poster to tell everyone about the world's bees”, that way I could leave her drawing in the other room whilst I watched England v Belgium.

During the half time break, I Google-d “bees” and what I discovered shocked me. Over the last five years, the bee population has fallen by a third and if this decline continues, according to Sir David of the Blue Planet Attenborough, we would have only four years left to live. This would mean that we wouldn’t be able to defend our World Cup victory in four years’ time. I guess the upside to this would be we’d go down in history as undefeated World Cup champions. On the downside, no one would know except for Wikipedia because they know everything.

I called out to Elizabeth. I said “put down your pen, the time for words is over, now is the time for action”. I felt like Hugh Grant in Love Actually when he tells the American President we won’t be bullied any more. “Daddy, have you had too much beer?” asked Elizabeth.

With the wind knocked out of my sails, I grabbed hold of Elizabeth’s hand and led her out into the garden. I said “let’s make a conservation area”.

Now this has to be the easiest spot of gardening I have ever done. I pointed to a patch of ground at the bottom of the garden and said “let’s just leave that area alone and let the bees live there”.

I rushed back into the house and grabbed a packet of wildflower seeds that I’d got free with a copy of Woman’s Weekly (other magazines are available). (It was for my wife, she was poorly that day).

Elizabeth scattered the seeds over our new conservation area and hey presto, I had single-handedly saved the world's bees from extinction.

I shall await my Nobel Prize. I’m sure it will arrive through the post any time now.