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Progress made since man landed on the moon

It's now approaching the 50th anniversary of man landing on the moon (woman then was still trying to make up her mind what dress to wear and missed out) but if you didn’t realise this, it's a safe bet that we will be ‘reminded’/bombarded with media overkill before the designated date, as there will be assorted magazine pull-outs, telly programmes galore relating to the astronauts who went on the mission and their families who didn’t, possibly a celebration concert featuring Sir Tom Jones or Sir Cliff Richard plus a magazine in 300 fortnightly editions, with parts to build your very own model lunar landing craft with issue one priced at 99p but thereafter £9.99 a pop or until you get bored with the idea and it goes into the recycling bin.

There will also be ‘special’ 50th anniversary keepsakes or trinkets such as cufflinks, boxed coins in presentation display boxes, bank notes, commemorative stamps, T-shirts, a cuddly toy, fondue set, sweatshirts, inscribed sink plungers, another cuddly toy, presentation chest expanders (in chrome), yet another cuddly toy, matching tea service with inscribed teapot, sugar bowl (with low calorie option, luvvies) plus milk jug with a special moon landing message engraved on the spoon reading ‘Wish you were here’ and all presented on a real imitation silver-plated plastic tray that will make you the envy of all your neighbour.

A lot has happened since man (woman was still undecided about the blue chiffon number) first set foot on the moon, as while the resources were found to propel man into history by so doing, it was however a different ball game back on boring old Earth, as trying to get a bus to go to Wisbech from Spalding after 10.30 at night was near impossible due to lack of resources being mentioned plus the potholes in the road were smaller then.

It was reported quite recently that water has been found on Mars - the planet thingy and not the choccy bar - and its a safe bet that as soon as a water board official probe can been sent, a hosepipe ban will be put into force on Mars until a crew can be sent there to cause upheaval check for possible leaks - to many Spalding residents, this is not a novelty.

John Ward (7425812)
John Ward (7425812)

Looking back over the past 50 years, a lot has happened - like the invention of the personal computer which has revolutionised the world, plus the gastronomic breakthrough of the bargain bucket of chicken bits n bobs plus a bottle of fizzy drink, carton of baked beans for four folk to enjoy came about, the UK carried on at the Eurovision Song thingamajig and winning on the odd occasion, compared to nowadays where we go along to make the number up or as a sign that we lead the world in taking part in such beanos, as while we may be down but not out, as when it comes to futile gestures we reign supreme.

The global warming or greenhouse effect industry was invented (patron Pte Frazer of ‘Dad’s Army’ fame, catchphrase: ‘We’re all doomed’) that has created loads of jobs, some very questionable, that my mum (of the people for the people) compared to being ‘Scot’s Mist’ salesmen as they carried no stock but could talk about it a lot.

Medical advances have been many and varied and in some cases people now having their lives lengthened by what was indeed thought highly impossible decades before has become reality, with cures and specialised surgery to make them happen, although patients and visitors' car parking charges have advanced much along the same lines, plus creating jobs where none existed before to administer this draconian charge on those already suffering.

Then there was environmental awareness that transformed the way we live and care for our ‘lifestyle’ that somehow mutated into what we now call ‘fly-tipping’, as people couldn’t/can’t be bothered to carefully get rid of their rubbish in a civilised manner but on the reverse side of the coin, also paved the way for the expanding market in fluorescent yellow jackets, goggles, hard hats, steel toe-capped boots and all the other dressing-up box paraphernalia that is needed for photoshoots to show how nasty it all is, so bit of a double-edged sword in effect, as while its highlighted the nuisance of waste, it also takes vast resources to make all the kit to wear to show folk about it as when was the last time you saw anybody in their plain kit banging on about it while pointing at a discarded nuclear reactor?

Then, the virtual reality concept came into being; this varied from reporting a water leak, were told ‘somebody will be along to fix it straight away’ (unless sent to Mars of course..) to waiting in all day for the gasman to arrive to fit the new cooker, but they never arrived but if they did said they ‘hadn’t got the right parts’ so would have to go and get them but would be back any week in the foreseeable as there is a ‘shortage of rubber gland mounts as the old nylon ones went brittle over time’ doncha know.

Then ‘leaves’ or the ‘wrong sort of’ were blamed for trains not being able to run in assorted weather conditions, followed closely by an inch of snow falling that signalled thousands of schools being closed although the some the pupils ‘affected’ by this trauma were able to get to fast food outlets on their way home thorough these supposed harsh conditions when picked up by their parents.

The ‘Marathon’ choccy bars turned into ‘Snickers’, which led to widespread panic that resulted in counselling for those affected.

Then the biggest curse with no known cure - so far - arrived in the form of the mobile phone/device that turned people into zombies in all but name, as they cut themselves off from their families, an obsession with only communicating via their hand-held device while sitting mere feet from one another, this is the way to go nowadays - head leaning or tilted forward, finger or thumb or those up to Olympic standard, using both at once in the freestyle event to converse with one another as speaking to one another is no longer practised.

This morphed into social media, where in some cases, people would not tell their doctor or family what their symptoms are/were, regardless of how life-threatening they may be, but think nothing of conveying the full gory details to millions of perceived ‘followers’ or as they are in real terms, perfect strangers online, but in some cases it may make somebody’s day thousand of miles away to learn you are worried sick about the split end you found while brushing your hair or a chipped fingernail, which brings us on to the next laughable situation.

The ‘Carry On’ films went from basically 1958 to 1978 - disregarding the 1992 lacklustre ‘Carry On Columbus’ effort - and this created an hole in the irreverent humour market that was quickly filled by the Health and Safety regime (a.k.a Hinder and Stifle) that continues to this day in its zeal to put the mockers on anything even twitching.

What the next 50 years will bring is anybody’s guess, but Brexit won’t be far away.


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