Never judge by appearances...
Life as we know it - or rather as we have come to know it - has assorted sides to it, as in the wonderful upside, plus the not-so-wonderful downside and a bit between that makes you wonder - well, it does me - just where did that come from or how did that happen...if the following examples are anything to go by.
My daughter's friend’s eighteenth birthday was coming up at the time and her parents asked her what she would like, within reasonable bounds (this was the pre-digital mania era, unlike today, where a ‘basic’ requirement would be a thousand-pound-plus mobile phone to keep up with the rest of the herd), as they were stuck for ideas, so inquired as to what was on her ‘wish list’, but she was a quiet, unassuming girl for her age and said she had no real ideas or wants as such.
Her mother then asked: ‘Well how about we get you a nose job then?’, which was quite earth shattering for the poor girl because up until that point in her life - and they had a few mirrors about the house that would have given the game away, so to speak - she was totally unaware she had or there was a problem with her nose or one that needed nostril transformation enhancement or remedial work carried out on it or to put it more bluntly, an hooter job.
The outcome was something more basic, but having been asked about her nose, she brought up the matter in conversation with my daughter and friends, as she was amazed. Try as they may, they could see nothing detrimental with her nose whatsoever, so how her mother came to bring up the matter is still one of those mysteries of life but we still laugh about it even after many years.
Another moment stands out quite vividly. I was a mere spectator when an electronic organ and keyboard brand held a demonstration of their new line of instruments in a large shopping centre, which had a sort of exhibition area in the middle that was used to display everything from cars to dancing troupes etc.
The musician - a sort-of Bobby Crush on tranquillisers - smiled a lot, played a bit, then smiled a lot more again, looked quite dapper in his suit and purple velvet dicky bow as he played assorted ‘traditional’ tunes intermingled with a few choral type artistes from the local amateur theatrical/operatic groups. They warbled away with assorted up and downs voice-wise when he played a tune they had been just been given the sheet music to, so seemingly no rehearsals beforehand, but their switched-on smiling more than made up for their deficiency in their perceived singing ability.
But people were still wandering by and not taking any real notice as ‘Bobby babes’ then took a short break just as a scruffy-looking chap ventured up to see one of the sales people, then after a few words, guided this ‘Onslow’-looking chap (think of the character in TV’s ‘Keeping Up Appearances’) to the keyboard, where he sat down and for a few moments surveyed the assorted knobs, switches and assorted controls, then switched it on.
What was to follow is every performer’s absolute nightmare - that unknown person or quantity that is perhaps more tooled up than the said performer him or her self.
‘Our Onslow’ burst out at full bore with the standard tune ‘Lady of Spain’, as shoppers stood still in their tracks with the hair on the back of their necks standing up - I think about seven of mine did - as we listened to him spellbound and when he finished he was greeted with an amazing round of applause to which he responded to belting out the theme from ‘The Magnificent Seven’ as the place came to a standstill followed by shoppers going wild as he finished with even more applause as he grinned and wandered off into the shopping crowds with cries of ‘well done!’
I asked the manager, as he was as plainly shocked as anyone, as ‘Onslow’ was a local - not a ‘plant’ to stimulate interest as is sometimes used - and had pestered him in the past on numerous occasions to pop in at some point to play his own instrument for folk for free, as he felt the acoustics would be great, but due to his appearance, plus saying he was ‘self taught’, had been fobbed off.
‘Bobby babes’ went back on much-shaken and shell-shocked, then ‘performed’ plus the bolted-on-smile warblers and tried to keep pace with some of them looking around for a sighting of ‘Onslow’ and his possible return, as the shoppers carried on shopping as boredom once again set in. The ‘master’ had been and gone.
The lesson here being you can’t always go by appearances.
Diane, wife of a friend, had invited or ‘lumbered’ me to open a new charity shop (nothing too grand it sez 'ere, plus I do my own stunts) where she was the new manageress (Harrods had not rung me at the time to do a similar duty you understand), as she felt I would be good at it (what faith) but I tried assorted excuses (honest) to get out of it, by suggesting perhaps one of the local assumed ‘great and good’ crowd would be a better bet, as they would bring their followers or sycophants with them to make it all look rather spiffingly good by doing their on-cue synchronised smiling while their hero/heroine did the cutting the ribbon, plus cameras clicking etc.
She poured cold water on that, by pointing out that if she had the (then) mayor as most of the others did at their bashes, then obviously he - being of one political persuasion - would alienate half the town, as they didn’t all vote for him, so a ‘neutral person’ was needed. Hence the invite.
I gave in and did the ‘meet and greet’ moment/s that seemed to have been rather enjoyable (I was told afterwards) but I did the biz at the ten o’clock sharp, cutting the ribbon, chatting to the customers and advising them on assorted bargains. I explained to one dear soul that what she thought was an ‘open plan toaster’ was in fact an electric trouser press, but she said she thought she could get eight slices of bread on it in one go if she had visitors or family in.
I stopped till ‘throwing out time’, as I felt if the staff went the distance then so should I - plus the occasional tea and biccys helped.
There have been other assorted types of events, but some have been totally different and far- ranging, although I did like the fish and chip shop ‘revamp’, as I did learn a bit about the frying trade so I did stop the distance again, not the usual stop-off, quick photo, away after a silly smile, which seemed to be the accepted or traditional norm in such instances, although it might be the lure of the tea (no sugar, thanks) and biccys but all the time wondering if an ‘Onslow’ might appear does keep your mind alert.