Inventor John Ward's column offers a sideways look at our weird and wonderful world

In his latest column, inventor John Ward takes a sideways look at our weird and wonderful world...

I recently called into a garage - or rather a petrol filling station - to put some ‘go-go juice’ in the fuel tank but seeing the digital figures on the pump meter gliding gently over, I realised I had possibly nearly doubled the value of my vehicle at the present rates.

Okay that’s a now-overused joke but it slightly takes your mind off the actual situation we find ourselves in through no fault of our own making.

Despite the high price of fuel, it does not stop those who consider they should be at their destination before they set out as they put their boot to the floor then go as if there is no tomorrow but sadly for some, there won’t be.

As I was putting the fuel in as a ‘lady of a certain age’ popped her head around from the other side of the pump with a smile and spoke: ‘Excuse me - I hate to be a pain but could you help me please?’

She explained she was driving a rental/ hire-car but was not sure what sort of fuel it needed as she was still running on the fuel supplied when she picked it up at the hire company.

She also wanted to know where the fuel went in as she assumed it was somewhere in the back end or ‘away from the engine thing at the front’ as she put it technically.

I suggested I go and get a mortgage sorted and pay for my fuel, drive away from the pumps so others can get in, then walk back to which she thought it would be nice so that’s what I did (luckily it was a ‘quiet time’ or off peak so not a problem on the forecourt).

I paid and popped back to see what the problem was: a quick look at the rear end - the car’s - soon sorted where the filler lived and once unlocked I suggested she put the fuel in and I’ll be off.

So that was simple but the thing that struck me was the question ‘Excuse me and not wishing to be a nuisance, but which flavour do I put in? - mint or blackcurrant?’

This rather surprised me and possibly made my eyebrows do a quick somersault on hearing it said - it’s a reflex action I’m told.

Slightly taken aback, I enquired about ‘mint or blackcurrant flavours’ as she looked at the pumps.

I pointed out the green coloured handles on the pump nozzles for unleaded petrol with the black for diesel fuel as I politely asked where had she been for the last few decades?

She replied with some name I’m afraid I could not pronounce or spell that is indeed situated in South Africa.

I asked if she was over on a day trip and was looking to pick up a few bargains (are there any left in the country?) or maybe duty free if that was still a thing.

The response was ‘Oh you silly boy! (who - me?!) I am back here to sort my late mother’s estate’.

She’d moved away many years ago and was getting back in the swing of things, or trying to, and found this blessed fuel thing frustrating.

Penelope, for it is she, but I can call her Penny (possibly for my thoughts crossed my mind) explained that ‘back home’ she had a driver who drove her everywhere as some of the roads there are not all as they might seem in ‘those snazzy holiday travel brochures’ she pointed

out.

I said we have ‘Lucky Dip’ roads here - but thanks to the pot-holes some with end up with more ‘dip’ than others and most not remotely considered ‘lucky’.

By now we have established her car likes mint flavour, sorry, unleaded petrol.

As she duly filled it up and saw the meter gathering momentum, she looked at me and I reassured her it’s the price totalling up and not the latest Dow Jones Industrial Index figures but, then again, it was a bit early to say for sure.

I stood there as she wandered off to pay for the mint flavoured stuff and, on her arrival back, I asked if she needed any help or advice now she was ’back in the old country’.

She thanked me but thought she would be OK now as she was going to pick her sister up then go onto their mother’s home, then onto their solicitors.

She said she had never been to her sister’s home - as she had moved twice since she had been in Africa - but, if it was anything to go by, the last time I was in Nottingham the service station pump flavours were still unleaded (mint) and diesel (blackcurrant) so I told her to stick with the mint flavour.

I later bought some humbugs, mint flavoured, to save you wondering.