Secret Drinker reviews Nobody Inn in Grantham
Sometimes you just walk into a pub and know it’s going to be fun. And this one kept me entertained until the end.
The cluttered windows outside Nobody Inn should have offered a taste of what to expect with their jugs, barrels and old pumps celebrating days gone by.
But the truth is nothing can quite prepare you for what you’ll discover when you enter. And despite asking myself the question repeatedly, I’m still not sure how to describe it.
Half antique shop, half boozer? The old curiosity pub? The sort of place you could buy a mogwai?
Whatever it is, no space is wasted as floor to ceiling there’s something to catch your eye in every part of every room in this delightful Grantham hostelry.
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A classic red phone box, a stacked drum kit, a dusty old bookshelf and oversized red high heel shoes are just some of the marvellous miscellany of decorations bringing the place to life.
Signs tell me this is the ‘Grumpy Old Men’s Club’, ‘Nobody Gets Out Sober’ and that the wifi passcode is ‘Sayplease’ - a nice touch.
Above a giant metal spider’s web which fills an interior window is a jug shaped like a man’s member. To the left a cactus shaped like a man’s member. Behind me a bald man shaped like, well, a man.
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This place is organised chaos. But credit where it’s due, it takes a certain amount of skill to make a pub this interesting yet comfortable.
The place has only been open 20 minutes and things are already getting going.
The old boy behind me sips silently alone at his table, the lads congregate at the bar chatting away about James Bond movie Skyfall as other regulars filter in and find a favoured pew.
If you’ve seen the brilliant sitcom Early Doors you won’t struggle to picture the scene.
Behind the bar are a couple, warmly greeting the punters, making small talk and lugging a large delivery upstairs.
A sign outside promises ‘six real ales’ although there’s no shortage of other options on the pumps and shelves.
I go for the Harvest Pale, a staple from across-the-border brewers Castle Rock.
Flyers advertising upcoming gigs and live football battle for the little remaining space on the walls and I can only imagine how raucous this place can get when there’s a cracking set or match underway.
Needing to spend a penny I attempted to open the door with both the male and female signs. Stuck.
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A little more strength. Nope. Not opening.
“Where’s the gents?” I asked the landlady.
“Just push the bookcase” she said all matter of fact as if having a secret passage - not too dissimilar to the one in Skyfall, to be fair - was normal for a pub.
(It’s not normal but it is brilliant).
One tough shove later (I had to go hard as there was a bloke sat on the corner of the bar watching on with a smile that suggested he’d seen many others fail miserably before) and I was through and onto a staircase where even more delightful design greeted me.
A bike hung from the ceiling, photos from apparent jolly boys outings plastered the walls along with a canvas of the local pub-sponsored football team.
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As if to hammer home the fact this place was put together by someone with an eye for style, there was even a framed Grantham Journal front page.
If only all trips to the toilets were this much fun. Wetherspoons take note.
Nobody Inn has managed to create a homely feel in a place that keeps you intrigued, keeps you guessing what you’ll spot next - and I think it’s absolutely fantastic.
A pub with real character. And real characters.
NOBODY INN, 9 NORTH STREET, GRANTHAM, NG31 6NU
DECOR: Fantastic madness all over. The secret passage to the loos capped it all off brilliantly. 4/5
DRINK: The Harvest Pale (ABV 3.8%) is a great blonde beer. 4/5
PRICE: At a very reasonable £3.90 there were no complaints here. 4/5
ATMOSPHERE: I imagine the place gets a lot, lot livelier, but still plenty going on at lunchtime. 3/5
STAFF: A friendly couple who were popular with punters. 4/5
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Do you agree with the secret drinker or have any suggestions where he should go next? Email secretdrinker@lincsonline.co.uk or comment below.
